Relationships. They are a great thing when they are right. Two people coming together and sharing a deep, loving bond that is pure, honest, genuine and nothing short of divine – that is powerful. When two people are aligned to each other’s life vision and come together to better each other’s lives, what a dynamic duo. So if you’re single and want a relationship, I imagine that may be what you’re looking for. And that kind of love can happen for you. But not if you settle. A number of women today seem to be okay with accepting breadcrumbs from guys. They are desperate to be in a relationship or at least have someone so they put up with receiving mere sprinkles of attention or affection. The main reason I believe women settle is because we’re programmed to. They started us off with the baby dolls and doll houses from a young age conditioning us that our role is taking care of home and being good women to our husbands. So we grow up fantasizing about our wedding day, our knight in shining armor and raising a family – the picture perfect American dream. And 30 somehow became the magical age for which this perfect dream should occur by. So if you hit 30 and you’re single, then society leads you to believe there’s something wrong with you. And so we start questioning our worth as a woman. Contrary to popular belief, a woman’s purpose on this earth is NOT to just be a wife. It’s NOT just to be a mother. Every woman was blessed with gifts and talents by God so in addition to utilizing those gifts, she can choose to become a wife and/or mother. You are NOT defined by a man or your relationship status. Many women are getting into relationships for the wrong reasons and it continues to end in disaster. To avoid repeating the same cycles like a broken record, here are a few signs you may be getting into a relationship for the wrong reasons:
Rushing. You hit age 30 (or over) and you’re panicked. You believe you are old. Somehow you’re convinced that if you’re 35, for example, you’re old. Well that mindset is what will get you into the wrong relationship because your intent for a relationship is just so you’re not too old and have someone versus actually being with the right person. You believe you have to hurry up because your biological clock is ticking. And while some may argue that statistics show the older a woman gets, the harder it is for her to conceive, there are also plenty of women who birth healthy babies over the age of 30. According to Americanpregnancy.org, “many women today find themselves trying to conceive after the age of 35. This opportunity can be full of joy and riddled with questions. Despite some challenges, many women in their thirties and forties successfully conceive.” I understand that you want to give yourself the greatest chance regarding fertility but would you rather rush and be bonded for life with a child by the wrong man or wait for God’s best? I hope you prefer the latter. Rushing into a relationship cannot be good.
Filling a Void. Do you really want a relationship or are you just bored? Are you just lonely? Sometimes we get into relationships to fill a void. We look to a person to fill a void in our lives that can only be filled with our own self-love. You need to get back to some activities that you like. Get back to your goals and dreams. What are your passions? What enlivens you? You want a relationship to fill something internal. You’re seeking external validation to make you feel like you’re worthy; if you get in a relationship, then that shows that you’re still desired. Well if you get in a relationship looking for someone to show you your worth, then don’t be surprised if it doesn’t turn out well. Only you should determine your worth. Work on yourself. Invest in yourself. Give back to yourself. In other words, take time out for yourself. This way you’ll fill yourself up and won’t need to go looking for a relationship to fill a void in your life.
You’re Not Ready. Are you really ready for a relationship? Are you really ready to put in the work required to build a solid foundation from the ground up or are you just in love with the idea of being in a relationship? Many of us are simply not ready for love. We think we are because we watch romantic movies or read romance novels. Unless you are willing to take your time and really get to know someone beneath the surface, you’re not ready. You’re not ready to make someone else a priority. You’re not really in a space to give to someone else. Love comes to give. You have to take the other person into consideration when it comes to certain things. You can’t behave like or have a single mentality if you’re going to be in a relationship. You have to start preparing for it. Really think about if you’re really ready to commit to someone else fully or are you honestly just into the idea of it all? Give up the fairy tale. It’s not reality.
I believe in love. I believe that people can manifest true love. I believe we can all have the love we want and rightfully deserve but we must not settle. We need to do the internal work within ourselves as well. Let’s get clear on where we are in life. A relationship (or marriage) isn’t going to magically make everything better. Do the inner work and be honest with yourself about your intention for a relationship. Don’t rush and get into a relationship just for the sake of having one. You deserve so much more. You’re a Queen. Love yourself enough to wait for the best.